Sunday, June 14, 2009


I'm the type of person who rarely remember his dreams. I used to think that I just don't dream at all. But someone once told me that everyone dreams, if we didn't we would die because we would be brain dead.

Last nite I had a very pleasant dream, only I had wished it hadn't happened or I hadn't remembered it. I only remember the end right before I woke up. Lori and I were on another (second) cruise together. We were heading back to our room and she had said something to me. Fact is I can't remember exactly what she said, but it wasn't really important. Then I had said "I'm not sure, I still remember what happened the last time." The dream went on a bit further, but all things not really of any importance. Shortly after I woke up from this very deep sleep because I was disturbed.

Now let me give you a little history, so that you might understand this a bit better. Lori is my ex girlfriend who had ended our relationship at the end of February. We dated very seriously for 9 months. I loved her very much, but never told her. Never felt it was the right time. I could also see her behavior changed in the week before the cruise. I knew something was wrong, but its not really up to me to ask her. I let her bring it up. Her reasons were very unclear and is still very unsettling. I still talk to her and we are still good friends. It still hurts, but I've learn to be much more accepting. If you've read the poem Lord of the Broken, you will see that this all had to do with her and maybe understand this a bit better. In case you don't know, I'm thankfully divorced. I was married to an evil woman. I really thought I had a future with Lori. Now I've given up the idea of anyone want to be with a greasy biker. Besides, I'm guessing I should be alone. It must not in my cards.

I'm not one to ever share my emotions. Hell barely just able to share my poetry as of late. Just as I wrote in I am....I build up walls, it shows the world I'm tough. It keeps ppl away. It keeps other's from know what I think or being able to get inside my head. I've been like this as long as I can remember.

This dream, although very pleasant, was very disturbing to me thoughout the entire day. I wanted to be left alone all day. I hybernated in my room and kept from talking to anyone. I really want to crawl under a rock and not talk to see anyone for a long time. Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day.

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